Happy New Year!

Three days into the new year and I am quite excited. I am looking forward to graduation, maybe a promotion or something new... Losing more weight is always a plus and I think I am going through a new diet change. So to you and your, have a happy and blessed new year!

Kei

Interesting day

Today, I am all alone in the office. My boss out of the office, one colleague is on vacation and the other is out sick. With a lot less paperwork coming my way, I am left with a little down time. I decided to continue a search of my recent favorite writer and biblical scholar, Leonard Sweet. He also happens to be one of my professors at Drew. I often think back to the first time I met him. It was during the Theological School's Orientation in August of 2006. I was standing in line for some purpose or another and I saw this man in his jeans, gleaming white hair and sandals, kind of standing against the wall maybe waiting or observing, I really don't know which. But I noticed him right away and I asked him if he was a teacher here. He says yes. I thought pretty interesting teacher. Drew began to take on a very cool aura.

Since that time, I have had him for 3 courses each of which absolutely blew my mind. Now if you know anything about me, you will understand that I have been a Christian since I was 12, I have in church since I was nine months old and I spent the 7th through 12th grade in Catholic school. Add to that a BA in Religious Studies and a Masters in Theology in the process. So, as far as I am concerned, I know faith.

But the faith I knew was nothing like the faith he opened my mind and heart to. His faith is in your face, practical, bold, convicting, comforting, provoking... We had one class, where we split up into small groups and Len Sweet asked this question, "Imagine that Jesus came back and he was sitting in the back row of your church observing the service. You approach him and ask him to address the congregation. What would he say?" Now I tell you, this was our Social Gospel class so a lot of the answers were things like take care of the poor, admonishment for our sin, disbelief, etc. Each group gave their various answers and we waited to see who was right or remotely close. Dr. Sweet pulled out the most simple, un-thought-of answer -- I LOVE YOU. We all sat there stunned, ashamed, loved, impressed. The emotions (at least for me) ran the gamut. This was just one particular class session in my first semester. I have been in awe every since.

So he is my favorite professor. He makes us read (at least 7 books per course), he stirs our spirits and he truly challenges us to live a life (and faith) worthy of our callings. To date, he has 29 publications to his credit. Sadly, I have only read 2. Nonetheless, as I am honored to have been taught by such a man of God as Leonard Sweet. As my seminary days are winding down, I am looking forward to one last class with him, where I know I will grow beyond all that I have ever imagined to all that God has planned.

Aye Me...

As you can see from the date of the last post, I have an issue with consistency. I start things and I can't seem to keep it up. I love blogging and I have certainly had this blog for sometime, I just kinda forget it exist. Kinda like my website... Well, once I figure out how to work it, I will update it.

So what really prompted this blog? Man, I have been struggling... I have really been really emotional lately. I realized a few years ago that the person we think we are and the person we really are are not one in the same. Now the funny thing is that God only reveals that to you in small doses because I think the truth of who we are would just be too overwhelming.

First, I thought I was really nice, partly because people told me I was really nice. Keisha is so not a nice person. I have nice tendencies. My latest dilemma is dealing with the fact that I am insecure. I never thought I was one of those jealous, insecure types. Ha ha, I am so one of those jealous, insecure types. I realized (and am still realizing) that I hurt and feel wounded just like everyone else. I have spent so many years denying what I really feel, internalizing my pain that I forgot what it truly meant to live.

I have been feeling just really insignificant. I have been wondering lately just what my place is in this great big world. Where do I fit in in all of this. You are left with the longing to do more and be more but not quite sure how to get there. I don't have any answers today. I just know how I feel: small and unsure in a great big world.

Adieu, till 'morrow

Keisha

Happy Anniversary Sister-Circle!

Four years of ministry is such an accomplishment. Not that I'm bragging because certainly I could not have done this in my own strength, I'm just so happy we have come this far.

I just want to thank everyone who has supported this group over the last four years as well as those ladies who have been so faithful whether in body or in spirit. Pray for us as we continue to grow and become all that God has created us to be.

Who am I? Really?

This morning, as I was getting ready for work, I was thinking. Let me roll back to yesterday... Last night, I logged in to my myspace account and I went visiting my various "friends" pages. I posted messages to about about a dozen or so people, like the various happy birthday's, have a great week type things. Well I so happen to go a the page of a classmate from high school and I find out she had recently had a baby! Now I am usually up on classmate news (yes, I am a recovering gossip queen) but this one went totally under the radar. I didn't even know she was pregnant. A strange thing happened to me. I became envious. Then I became bitter. I stood in my bedroom, clutching my heart. There are no more "why not me" and "I wish it was me" and all of them. I just took in the pain. I was jealous. I never thought that was me. Lately, here's what I find myself to be: complacent, lazy, angry, unsupportive, unduly selfish, fearful, doubtful, not to mention covetousness. I used to think I was a nice person. Most people think I am a nice person.

So back to this morning, I discovered that my God wants to be a part of my life so much. I stood in my bathroom asking why did He love me so much. Why does He want to be bothered with me? And yet I fell so far from him. I have been so caught up in doing and having that I forgot to just be. Instead of being secure in God's love and desire, I have become insecure. Instead of trusting that He will supply all of my needs and protect me and support me I have become plagued with doubt and paralyzed with fear. I have no comfort and no real joy. My heart has been heavy for a long time, fill with more than I can even contain, and I just really need some lightness.

As you read this, please pray for me. Pray as I begin to give my heart, my fears and doubts, my strengths and weaknesses to the Lord.

With Love,
Keisha

What a weekend!

Wow, it has been an busy weekend! I went for a manicure/pedicure, shopping, birthday party, church, brunch and just hanging out. Yet, I feel the same. I still can't pray. Part of me is fearful, part of me is disappointed. I have a good life and I am really blessed. I'm a lot more insecure than I ever knew I could be and lately, I have allowed my judgment to be clouded by my emotions - leaving me incapacitated to live the kind of life that I really want. My supervisor is on vacation and I have spent the last month and a half dreading this time. This is a moment where I really need to rest on the Lord and I just don't know how. The more I need him , the more I push him away. Well, I need some rest now. I have work in the morning...

My official blog...

This is now my first official blog. I have started others in different place. I also though this would b e a good place for my ladies group Sister Circle. Enjoy and welcome!